Pain
by Nightmare-san
Summary: Set before and after the movie. Read if you're interested . . . And if you like RoyxEd, EdxRoy. Angst, Romance Yaoi
1. Blue Tears

I'm in a very calm and quiet mood right now. Been watching RoyxEd AMV's . . . They're so wonderful. Anyway, I was inspired to do this story because I always thought it was really angsty, the way Roy was in Amestris and Ed was on the other side of the gate. And they miss each other so much. Realizing that they loved each other all along . . . -sigh- This fic is also based off Neue Welt, a doujinshi I read while starting this story. It is such a sad doujinshi (I was crying and probably depressed for about 3 days). I recommend you guys read it. There's a scanlation at central library on and it's really great.

I love RoyxEd. Thank you so much Arakawa-sensei, for making such a beautiful creation. And thank you to the guys that made FMA into an anime. -sigh- Sometimes I get so emotional. I also love Vic :3 Can't help it; he's such a wonderful man. When I see him I'm going to say, "Thank you for being such a wonderful voice actor." Then I'll give him a hug -. He had the right emotion for Ed and that's why I love him. Also, it's cool that he still gives RoyxEd fans some service ("Roy Mustang is dead sexy!") even though he's a Christian and doesn't approve of homosexuality (well from what I've heard). I don't think of Ed and Roy as gay guys, but as two people who just fell in love. :3 -Ed appears out of nowhere- "STOP PAIRING ME UP WITH ROY!" -dodges knife that Ed throws at her- Fuck you, Brother! I was just telling the readers that you weren't gay! -Ed stares at her- "Feh. Okay then." -watches Ed walk away- Stupid shrimpy brother of mine. "WHAT WAS THAT?" Nothing!" "You're short too!" -throws spear at Ed, then uses her alchemy- HAVE A NICE SLEEP TONIGHT!! YOU'LL HAVE PLENTY OF NIGHTMARES ABOUT ROY!! (Note: My alchemy is where I take nightmares from the other side of the gate and transfer them to my target. It can be anything I want. Hence Nightmare-san. I can also use normal alchemy) :3

Disclaimer: . . . WHAT?! It's up there! It's mixed into the emotional thank you and random rant thing

(Started Nov. 26, 2006)

Chapter 1 / Blue Tears / Roy . Part 1

_Why . . . Why . . . WHY? _

**Why else, dumb ass! **A shout interrupted his private thoughts, and he realized it was his conscience.

Roy never really paid attention to his conscience, but for some reason it wasn't just a small voice in his head anymore; it was yelling louder and louder. Annoyed, Roy snapped his eyes shut and seen his devil conscience standing before him, dressed in a red military uniform which matched the red hot horns on its head and scarlet spiked tail that was swinging excitedly; a smug grin was plastered to its face.

_Why did it have to be like this? Why do I have to miss that stupid shrimp? _He didn't know who he was asking . . . Himself or his conscience . . . Either way his conscience heard him.

**It's because you love him. **His conscience answered the question as if it was the simplest thing.

_No, I don't. _Roy insisted.

**Yes, you do. **

_No . . ._For a moment, Roy didn't know what to say. He didn't want to find out he was in love.

_Why? _

**He always attracted you, didn't he, _Colonel._**

His evil conscience spoke the last word in a voice that hurt Roy. It was the voice that had been haunting him ever since he had heard of Ed's death. Along with his voice, came the body, and even after Roy opened his eyes, the image of the person he loved so dearly (he had been fighting the thought) stayed in his mind and hovered near the fireplace.

"**What's wrong, _Colonel shit?"_**

_Get out of my head. Stop using his voice. _Roy growled through grit teeth.

"**Oh, that's right. You're only Corporal now . . ." **His conscience looked around.** "You live in such a shit cabin . . . Pitiful. Though . . . It was because of my death that you wanted to get away from anything that reminded you of me . . . HA, _how weak_."**

_No . . . _

"**It was also because of all the innocent lives you took, wasn't it? You _slaughtered _them . . . But I suppose that's your job. Killing innocent people, that is . . . _Dog of the Military."_**

_NO . . . Not anymore._

Suddenly, his love turned back into the evil conscience.**Hmph. You're boring me. So, I'll be off . . . Gonna go to torment someone else. Heh, Maybe I'll go torment your love.**

_You . . . _Before Roy could say anything more, the devil conscience was gone.

For a moment, Roy stayed where he was, stock-still, with beads of sweat running down his handsome face, and tears beginning to form in his onyx eyes. It had been painful to see Ed again. Even the thought brought pain to his heart. His mind went black for a minute. What was he upset about again? Then he remembered.

I really do love Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist.

It was a feeling he had been suppressing for a long time . . . A feeling that had probably started when he had seen Ed lying in that bed at the Rockbell's house. At first he had thought it was a sort of fatherly love (he had thought the kid was cute but annoying and stubborn, and felt he had to protect Ed and his little brother), but he hadn't realized until later on, that it was true love. And to think, before he had even met Ed, he had liked Riza . . . But that kid had done something to him. He had ignited a fire deep within Roy's heart. The fire just kept growing with longing, and would only settle when Edward was his.

Jumping to his feet, Roy realized that he had to stay strong . . . For Edward . . . For his friends . . . For himself.

He thought of the picture he and Fullmetal had taken the last time they were both in Central. The picture was probably still in his desk (if no one had thrown it out), because he hadn't bothered to bring it.

"_. . . I work my fucking ass off, and you fucking tell me nothing! How the fuck am I supposed to achieve my fucking goal when I-I - . . . JESUS!!" The short blond slammed his fist onto the Colonel's desk and hung his head. _

_Roy looked at the foul-mouthed shrimp, then down to the dent in his desk. "You're buying me a new desk, Fullmetal. Calm down." Roy said, his voice sharp with anger and bitterness. Who the hell did this kid think he was? Usually, Roy ignored the brat's cussing, taunts, cockiness, stubbornness, and his anger outbursts, and pretty much all the things he thought annoying, but the Colonel had been feeling strange toward the kid lately, stranger than ever._

_Ed shot the Colonel a cold and angry stare. His eyes were burning with anger, but there was also a hint of sadness. Ed suddenly turned around and sat down in the leather couch that was nearby, still staring angrily at the Colonel. _

"_Listen, Fullmetal-"_

"_Forget it." Ed snapped. His eyes were still angry, but there was a slightly evident sadness shining in them now. Had Ed been sad that that was all the Colonel had said?_

_Roy cleared his throat as Ed cracked his knuckles. "Fullmetal, I assure you I will inform you immediately next time. It's just, this time I received the information late, and I didn't have time to inform you." Ed stopped cracking his neck and looked over at Roy, his eyes showing a mix of emotions._

_Suddenly, his expression turned to into a cocky smile and the sadness in his eyes subdued; now they were slanted angrily. "Feh. Yeah, well, next time inform me quicker. Jesus, it's not that difficult." Roy was relieved Ed had returned to his usual stubborn self. Emotional Ed made him feel weird. _

_Roy moved from behind his desk to the front of it, sitting on the edge. He closed his eyes and sighed, then muttered, "Well, I wouldn't really have anything to do if I didn't have your reports to read." He kept his eyes shut, for he didn't want to see Ed's expression. He was hoping this would make Edward feel better._

_There was silence for a moment. Roy opened his eyes. A stern frown was stuck on Ed's face, and his eyes wandered around the room and rested on Roy. Pulling his face into a forced smiled, Ed muttered a quiet, "Yeah . . ." _

_Roy was bothered by the fake smile that was on Ed's face; it wasn't like him. Swiftly walking over and pulling the corners of Ed's mouth upwards, Roy smiled madly. _

"_What the-" _

"_Don't give me a fake smile, brat."_

_Crossing his arms, Ed muttered, "Stupid old man." _

_Vein popping, Roy pulled harder on Ed's mouth, making him force a smile even more. "Stupid-"_

_Suddenly, they heard a click and looked up to see Hughes standing at the door, holding a camera, smiling evilly. _

_Roy let go of Ed's mouth and even though Ed couldn't help smiling, his brow furrowed and he stared at Hughes with death. Roy did the same._

"_Aww, you two looked so cute!" Hughes purred, shining them a peace sign. "You two together is almost as cute as a picture of Elicia! ALMOST."_

"_Hughes I hope you know how to run as fast as you take pictures because-" Roy started, his fingers ready to snap. "We'll kill ya." Edward finished the sentence for him and transmuted his hand into his classic arm blade._

_Hughes immediately got the warning, because he quickly closed the door, still snickering. _

_-_

_The next day, Hughes put a copy of the picture on Roy's desk. Roy quickly disposed of it. The next day he put another copy on Roy's desk . . . Roy destroyed it. For a few days more it continued, before Roy finally gave up and kept one. He kept it in his desk drawer, where no one would see it. _

--/ Ed . Part 2

Here in Munich, life was great!

Aw, who was he kidding? Life here in Munich was awful.

It wasn't that he didn't like Munich . . . It just wasn't his home. In fact, the whole world he was in wasn't his home.

He missed his brother . . . his friends . . . his family . . . and most of all . . . he missed his love.

Colonel Roy Mustang, The Flame Alchemist.

Well, Roy had been General when Ed had left, but Ed still called him Colonel. He was so used to it.

Ed had always loved the Colonel (though had hidden it quite well).

When he had first really met Roy, it had been after he and Al had defeated the hijackers. One of the hijackers (Bald) had escaped from his holding and attacked Roy. Roy immediately burst him into flames before Bald could even touch him.

That's the moment Ed had fallen.

The power Roy had commanded in that movement had captured Ed. He felt his heart stop and flip flop; doing all kinds of things he had never felt before. And moments later, he confronted Roy about the train, his knees still weak. (AN: I just downloaded episode 5 not to long ago and watched it. I almost forgot how funny it was. XD)

That had been the moment, and it still played in his mind. Every. Single. Day.

Well . . . it had when he had been over in Amestris, but now he couldn't remember as clearly. He couldn't remember the face of his beautiful Colonel . . . It _hurt** so** much._

Still, Ed kept strong everyday since he had entered the alternate world, confident he was going to find a way to go back over to Amestris someday. For now, all he could do was wait.

-- End Chapter

Phew . . . Finished. -bows- (Finished Dec 27) Whee 2 days after Christmas (I'll talk about Christmas in my rant in my profile, if anyone cares and is bored)! Didn't really have time to work on this. And I was working on Flamers . . . Which no one seems to like except for me. T.T Anyway, my birthday is in 3 days. On the 30th :3 I'm gonna be 13 XD Yeah, I'm really young . . . But don't judge me for that! My wits grew long before my body, so I'm really mature. Anyway, hope people like this fic so far. See on the next chapter!


	2. Seeing You

Heh It's been awhile since I've written something :D But here is Pain Part 2 because I want to get it over with! This is also making up for Valentine's Day T.T

(Started: March 9, 2007)

Really I was on March Break all this week. Just got back today. :D We went to Connecticut! Mom and Jerry gambled at Foxwoods, while I chilled at the hotel. We won a little. Enough to buy everything we wanted. Well kinda... Anyway, if any of you readers live in Connecticut or New York or anywhere near there, then WHAT'S UP, PEOPLE?! XD (Been watching Death Note too. That's the 2nd OP...By Maximum the Hormone :D) Uh, and Ch. 2 kinda starts out weird... -sweatdrop- Uh, and the song/lyrics is My Chemical Romance – Jack the Ripper (Morrissey cover)

_Crash into my arms_

_I want you_

_You don't agree _

_But you don't refuse_

_I know you_

Chapter 2 / Seeing you.

-- Edward --

Okay, gotta kick some ass.

Ed had made it back to his world. After two years in Munich, he was back. But not on a good note. Damn that Eckheart. She had used Noah to get knowledge from him, killed his father (or rather his father killed himself to get Ed home), and she was wreaking havoc on his fucking world! He was gonna kill that fucking bitch.

After Heidrich had launched him through the portal over in the alternate world, and after he had made quite a crash back into his world, he had met up with Al, Winry, and Sheska. No sign of Roy . . . Much to Ed's sad disappointment.

Al had ran off, horrified at what he thought he had brought in (which he had, but he had just wanted to get his brother back) and Ed found him up at the surface. Still no sign of his raven-haired love.

After convincing his brother to help him kick Eckheart's evil ass, they headed to the nearest tall and whole building. They were going to need quite a lot of material to get up to that airship.

-- Roy --

He had no idea why he had abandoned his post. He had no idea why he had come to Central. He had no idea why, but he was damn glad he had. His subordinates needed his leadership. Things from the other side?! Fullmetal...

He had been sure to assign everyone a job, before really getting into the battle with his subordinates. No, his friends. Yes, that was it.

But when he got the signal from Armstrong that his transportation was ready, he left Hawkeye's side to check it out. This way he could reach the airship.

--

"Ready?" Looking over at his younger brother, he smiled.

"Yeah . . ." Al grimaced at his brother, gulping. Then looking down, he closed his eyes and breathed in and out, then opened his dark brown eyes and smiled confidently back, now filled with courage.

"Ok then . . ."

Simultaneously they clapped their hands together and rose into the air, a platform of cement supporting them.

"It's been a long time but you're still pretty good, Brother."

"Ha, what did you expect?"

They rose up, almost to the airship. Almost . . . Suddenly, a gun molded onto the airship spotted them and fired. They lurched to a stop and flew off, only just catching themselves on the platform.

The gun fired again, just missing their hands. Suddenly, there was a snap and the gun was destroyed by a burst of fire.

"Keep going!" yelled a deep familiar voice.

_No . . . wait . . . It can't be._

Ed's heart skipped a beat, his his stomach tied into a knot, and he struggled to breath. It couldn't really be . . .

Turning to look in the direction of the voice, he spotted the balloon in the sky, holding his precious love.

"General!"

Roy smiled and nodded.

Ed nodded back and hoisted himself back up, along with Al.

They clapped their hands together again and rose up another platform, slamming it into the airship securely. Then they all jumped onto it, running up it to reach the ship.

"Looks like you brought over all this trouble, Fullmetal."

"Sarcasm already? Nice patch by the way, too bad it doesn't cover your mouth."

"Sorry, General."

"Hmpth-"

Reaching the top, Roy destroyed another gun as they hid behind a pillar.

"Now go." Roy urged, spotting another gun forming.

"That's why I'm here." Ed smiled cockily and ran off.

"Brother, wait!" Glancing at Roy apologetically, he ran after his brother into the ship.

--

After kicking Eckheart's ass, Ed went outside to the two waiting men.

Standing at the doorway to the ship, he looked sadly at them. His love and his beloved brother. Oh how he was going to miss them.

Sensing his presence, the two turned around. Their faces lit with surprise when they seen the sadness in his eyes.

"So what now?" Roy asked.

Painfully, he clapped his hands together and transmuted them apart.

"Brother!! Brother, what are you doing?!"

Al tried to run towards his brother, but was held back by Roy.

"With that much material, you guys can make it back down."

"What about you? Where are you going?" Roy asked, his heart breaking.

"I'm returning these guys back to their world." Edward explained, smiling sadly.

"Why?! You don't have to!" Al screamed.

"I'm breaking the Gate on their side. I want you to stay here to seal it on this side too. That way it will never be open again." Nodding, he turned and started to walk away.

"What about Roy?!" Al shouted.

"Huh?" Blushing, he turned back around.

"I know you two fucking love each other! Admit it!"

Ed blushed deepened and and he looked over at Roy, who was smirking sadly.

"Fine . . ."

Closing his eyes so he wouldn't cry, he smiled and said loud and proudly, "I love you, Roy Mustang. And I regret that I never got to kiss you. You fucking bastard, I love you."

Turning around again, he his watering eyes. "Tell Winry thanks for the automail."

Walking away, he felt his heart sink into infinity. Never to feel the love of the man he loved. If that man even loved him back.

"Brother, no!! Please I just got you back!! Don't leave me!! Don't leave Roy!!"

-- End Pain 2 --

(Finished: April 7th, 2007)

This is how I was going to start it at first:

--

"Shit... Am I gonna make it?"

Flying through the transmutation circle, he began to get worried when the rocket started to slow. He was going to have to go faster . . . Though there was the chance that he might crash when he reached the other side if he went too fast . . .

Argh . . .

"Fuck it . . . I'm not going to let Heidrich's work be in vain!!" Then shifting up a gear, he speed faster down the tunnel of light. He was going home.

--

But I didn't know how to continue it so I just scraped it. At least I mentioned Heidrich's hard work. T.T I loved Heid. Fuck that bastard that shot him. Anyway, in my opinion, I didn't do very good in this chapter... I tried to make it somewhat sad... But didn't suceed. T.T Really I just wanted to get this fucking chapter over with. But I liked doing the part with Ed confessing his love. That was the only part that didn't go by the movie, so I was glad. For some reason I went by the movie, even though I knew I could do it however I liked. Next chapter is going to be good... Also some News. I might post up a LxLight fic and a MattxMello fic, if I ever get to writing them. I don't know Matt's personality yet, so it might be a long while, since I don't feel like reading the manga (although i read enough of the manga to know Near and Mello's personalities) and I'll wait for him to appear in the anime. And also I'm going to be rewriting all of my fanfics. Cuz I feel like it. Oh and check out Death Note if you haven't already checked it out. Though you should love it by now. I love L. Also I think Mello is kinky. Off to go eat chocolate like Mello (once my mom brings it XD) Hope you guys enjoyed.

Music to inspire: My Chemical Romance – Song 2 (Blur cover), My Chemical Romance – Jack the Ripper (Morrisey cover), My Chemical Romance – Kill All Your Friends, My Chemical Romance – Our Lady of Sorrows, FMA Japanese Cast – Hagane no Kokoro, Placebo – Blind, My Chemical Romance – Cancer, Nanne Gronvall – Hall om Mig (Hold Me), Gundam SEED Destiny 1st ED – Reason, A Perfect Circle – Sleeping Beauty, Black Sabbath – Iron Man, Bloodsimple – Path to Prevail, Children of Bodom – Bed of Razers, DDR – Legend of Zelda techno, Maximum the Hormone – What's up, people? (Death Note 2nd OP), Dir en Grey – GARDEN, Electric Six – Gay Bar, Fergie – Fergalicious (because instead I sing Mellolicious... XD It's a YouTube thing. A video by SyntheticHug XD), From First to Last – Note to Self, From First to Last – Kiss me, I'm Contagious, Franz Ferdinand – Do You Want To (Paradise Kiss ED), GARBAGE – Androgyny, GARBAGE – Why Do You Love Me, GARBAGE – Use Me, Group X – I Just Want (Bang Bang Bang), Gundam SEED OP – Invoke, Hoobastank – Out of Control, Jewel – Foolish Games (Down On My Kness theme if you fans remember), Joan Jett – Crimson and Clover, Joan Jett – I Hate Myself For Loving You, Kill Hannah – Lips like Morphine (Dream of Me OP song. No one knows this, since Dream of Me isn't out, but you guys might get it if you leave 100 comment... Just kidding XD But really nice ones and I'll get inspired), Linking Park – Breaking the Habit, Loveless OP – Tsuki No Curse, Mindless Self Indulgence – Shut Me Up, Mindless Self Indulgence – Bring the Pain, Morrisey – Irish Blood, English Heart, Viva La BAM Theme – King of Rock 'n Roll, My Chemical Romance – Heaven Help Us, Nirvana – Rape Me, Placebo – Pure Morning, Right Said Fred – I'm Too Sexy (XD) Mellisa Williamson – You're not Here (Silent Hill 3 theme), Silent Hill 4 OST – Waiting For You, Sin and Sebastian – Shut Up And Sleep With Me (XD), Stroke 9 – Kick Some Ass, The Fray – Look After You, The Servants – Orchestra, The Used – Choke Me, Vanessa Mae – Devil's Trill, White Stripes – Seven Nation Army, White Stripes – Blue Orchid, Mide Mouth Mason – Smile, Zebrahead – Hellotomorrow

heh, that's a lot of fucking songs... Going to and MCR concert on May 6th in Portland, Maine, so I'm fucking happy. :3 Check out my Rants in my profile... 'XD

Happy (Belated now) Easter!!


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